I wish there was a way that I could explain...

But I feel that a lot of people wont get it.
Whenever i start, I lose most people. or people think I'm crazy
And its hard to explain to people whose minds are not open bc there are several pieces to be put together before the understanding of it is even possible. Most people are not ready or able to suspend their conventional beliefs of reality, existence, and physicality. I'm gonna attempt to make this make sense. If not to you then maybe more to me. The congruence between every aspect of our reality is so evident and so pervasive that we are not even aware of it. but if for two seconds we separate the I from self, the present from the occurring, we could see that peace is not something that is achieved, but recognized. That Harmony is not something we create, but acknowledge. Everything in the universe comes from the balance of two opposing forces that are balanced bc they are equally opposite. Their journey of separation and recognition, transcendence and imminence, is the rhythm of everything that exist.

my next few blog will go more into the crazy shit i talk about. i pray you feel me...

They dont know you like i do. They'll never know you

Im riding the bus back to ny
listening to paranoid
i love kanye
i love ny
i love these headphones
i love the bolt bus
i love traveling at nite
but not as much as i love you

im sorry i had to leave you. you know why.
I made alot of progress over these months.
I was content with the thought of you being gone for a long time
I learned how to deal with the thinking fits,
I learned how to dial other numbers instead of yours
I was numb
I was good
and i pulled the bandaid off
but you can only form a scab from fresh air
so i welcomed it
and now i go back
you there
i here
i thought i would hurt
but i dnt
theres a void
an emptiness
like waking up and the person who fell asleep beside you wasnt there
but i still see your shoes
you havent gone far

i only wonder things i fear asking you
i wonder do we go back to not speaking?
do we let things be
do we call each other again
does my growth and healing include you in it?
do you need to be gone from me in order for me to be better?
can we continue our lives like the way they were?

*sigh*

Smell You In My Dreams

So I'm back in DC. Ok. Things are smooth, for the most part.
But of course,
my first night back, I dreamt of her.
in my dream we were watching Law and Order SVU and she took out some sort of cream and pulled my hair wrap off against my will. I fought it. Hard, bc well some of my locks are going thru some things and I didnt want her to see them. But she took the cream and massaged it all in my hair. I was kinda freaking out and she just calmed me down and said sssshhhhh and placed my head on my spot on her chest (i always here her heart to see if its beating at the same time as mine, or if its beating at all). I stopped fighting and she rubbed this cream all in my locks and all of a sudden they were all healed and perfect. I could smell that smell of her. In my effin dreams. Idk why my mind does this! Its like I take 10 wonderful strides forward and then i fall on my face and slide down the hill. A dream is just a dream and I got over it, (clearly bc, well its a dream) even considering all my theories on the dream world. But it brings one to wonder, what are my dreams saying?

So I'll be staying a little longer than I thought. My plan was to go back on the 30th but I have a show that night, so I'm gonna go back on the 31st. Its just that I know me, and I know how things go. And I'm not tryna set myself up for destruction. I have my own reasons why I cant do that. Speaking of that it should be interesting living in NY and not living in a dorm. Pretending to live a house wife type of role (since I know I'll be cooking dinner for the house) lol. I hope she'll be ok till I get back. I worry about her and how she stresses. Shes been there for me so much in the past few months and I just want her (and the cats lol) to be ok. Things always change when your living with someone... Hopefully we wont rip each others eyes out. I'm looking forward to this lasting...

Omen Interpretation?

Wow, so yeah. Someone sent me a message of their interpretation of my "Imani in NY" omen. yeah..... yeah.... i have somethinking to do, bc i think she's spot fucking on. and that means that i need to reevaluate myself. Thats what omens do.. i think...

An omen such as the first does sound interesting....maybe it's hinting towards whateer it is your second one is telling you. It's kind of weird how those things work out, ya know. You never really know what they're trying to tell you until after the fact. I receive mine in dreams, and whenever I have ones that are so strong and vivid, I spend days trying to figure it all out. I never really get the full message until after everything unfolds. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out one I had a couple of months ago! But, I've learned that you have to be wary of the small things.

Ex: the omen about the person on the phone....maybe you're getting an insight to the frustration you're causing someone, and the fact that Imani was over the phone could suggest something. There's a lost of sight for Imani, so maybe you don't see yourself doing anything. Then, you only hear one side of the conversation, so maybe you're not being heard or someone is constatly trying to talk over you.....

hips dont lie. neither do eyes. nor lips.

I should have listened when you looked me in my eyes and said i was gonna be ok. i believed you. I still do.

















i know you read this.
i know you.

Just Make Love To Me

Just one more time and then you'll see
oh I cant believe I made a desperate plea
Whats wrong with me?
me?
ooooohhhhh

So New Amerykah. Is. The Shit. Like Forreal
I am developing a whole new appreciation and Love for miss E. Badu. her voice is so unique and.... whole. within its self. yeah. I'll see if I can get some playing over there.

So this weekend....
yeah....
Continuing on my metaphysical track....
Clearly I wanted this to happen. The Good, The Bad, and the hurtful
and its becoming clearer and clearer to me what this ultimate goal I am seeking is. I just dont understand why my universe chooses to manifest its desires in the most... extravagant of ways. But maybe it was the only way to get my attention, bc well I ignore my omens.

Speaking of Omens, I had 2 omens today. Im wondering what my third one was/is. The night is still young so it Still may be seen.

Omen 1: Imani in NY
So as I got on the bus to go back to ny with a bruise on my ass from dancing so fucking hard with a person with a sharps ass pelvis bone, and a mind still fresh from the turmoil of the night I hear a dc dom SCREAMING her ass off as she got on the bus. "You talk too much fucking shit. Thats all you do slim. You aint gonna b talking that shit when I fucking get up there." A conversation much like this one takes place at a very uncomfortable volume right beside me for about 2 hours into the trip. And apparently the girl she was talking to was named Imani. And lived in NY. and she was gonna make sure that wen she got all the way to ny she was gonna beat her ass. But the omen for me were the things she said. Things I've heard so many times before. "Oh but Imani thinks shes so fucking perfect" "Fuck you Imani" "I swear to God Imani" "You talk all that shit while your in NY" "I dont wanna talk to you Imani" "Im hanging up Imani" among so many other things. It was eerie and struck a chord in me.

Omen 2: Fucking Tarot Card
Literally years ago I wrote a FB Note about my tarot cards. And everytime i enter act with a certain someone one card in particular ALWAYS and i mean ALFUCKINGWAYS comes up. and I guess it does bc I ignore what it was trying to tell me. Like a few months ago i dropped all my cards out of my purse and the only and first card up was this card. then today (the first time i really read myself since then) wen i take the deck out of the box. out of the fucking box. there is that card right there on the top. now mind you my friend destiny uses my cards all the time so its shuffled often. The card is of course the Change card (most commonly death in traditional decks). I dont have my deck in front of me but bc uve gotten it so much i pretty much know what it says. the card reads :

There are situations from the past that you are being urged to gently let go of. That does not mean you need to be cold or cruel, it just is simply best to release them. "something something something" most difficult decision "yada yada" yet dead wood must be cut from a tree in order for it to grow. once this is done you will be able to have new relationships, new love, and a new life.


Fucking wild rite? I know I need to heed these omens. After reading the alchemist i realized why and how the way things work. and the soul of the world is trying to tell me to let it go. As a matter of fact, I make this other song "I remember" by DEADMAU5 and Kaskade the song on the side. the words to that song have really really gotten me through these times. it says


Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the love that you know
You Dont have to move on to let go
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall alseep
Hold to the time that you know
you dont have to give up to let go

Remember turning on the night
and moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through

I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember



I remember. Do you?