so.. what do i want?

So this is how it goes.
I'm a firm believer in destinies.
and everyone's destiny is visible on the horizon.
like.. like.. a point on the horizon.
you cant tell the shape or size, just an indistingushiable figure in the distance.
and were all moving towards wat we think it is and take the neccessary steps to get there. Since I also believe that we are the creators and controllers of our universe, we create situations (fortunate and unfortunate) to help us get closer to that goal (subconsciously of course). Like for example, certain situations led me to not go back to st johns, little did i know that although those situations were trying and painful, it led me to The New School where I could not be more happy. If those situations were ont created in my universe, i would be trapped in the soul sucking depressive black hole that I created for myself in queens. Since I've recognize this power its easy for me to see a situations purpose in getting me closer to my goal because I know what my goal is and i know how and what i have to do to get there. But now I'm at a point where things are happening in my universe that, contradict my goal, or at least what I think it is. Your ultimate goal never changes. Its already there, you just have to get to it. That means that these things that i think are keeping me away from my goal are actually bringing me closer to it which means that my goal obviously isnt what i think it is. So with that being said, what is it that i want? what is my ultimate goal that im trying to reach? How could something that i want so bad, not actually be what i want? What is my fate trying to show me? how could a dream that was so close seem so far away? What do I want out of life?