So I'm back in DC. Ok. Things are smooth, for the most part.
But of course,
my first night back, I dreamt of her.
in my dream we were watching Law and Order SVU and she took out some sort of cream and pulled my hair wrap off against my will. I fought it. Hard, bc well some of my locks are going thru some things and I didnt want her to see them. But she took the cream and massaged it all in my hair. I was kinda freaking out and she just calmed me down and said sssshhhhh and placed my head on my spot on her chest (i always here her heart to see if its beating at the same time as mine, or if its beating at all). I stopped fighting and she rubbed this cream all in my locks and all of a sudden they were all healed and perfect. I could smell that smell of her. In my effin dreams. Idk why my mind does this! Its like I take 10 wonderful strides forward and then i fall on my face and slide down the hill. A dream is just a dream and I got over it, (clearly bc, well its a dream) even considering all my theories on the dream world. But it brings one to wonder, what are my dreams saying?
So I'll be staying a little longer than I thought. My plan was to go back on the 30th but I have a show that night, so I'm gonna go back on the 31st. Its just that I know me, and I know how things go. And I'm not tryna set myself up for destruction. I have my own reasons why I cant do that. Speaking of that it should be interesting living in NY and not living in a dorm. Pretending to live a house wife type of role (since I know I'll be cooking dinner for the house) lol. I hope she'll be ok till I get back. I worry about her and how she stresses. Shes been there for me so much in the past few months and I just want her (and the cats lol) to be ok. Things always change when your living with someone... Hopefully we wont rip each others eyes out. I'm looking forward to this lasting...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Omen Interpretation?
Wow, so yeah. Someone sent me a message of their interpretation of my "Imani in NY" omen. yeah..... yeah.... i have somethinking to do, bc i think she's spot fucking on. and that means that i need to reevaluate myself. Thats what omens do.. i think...
An omen such as the first does sound interesting....maybe it's hinting towards whateer it is your second one is telling you. It's kind of weird how those things work out, ya know. You never really know what they're trying to tell you until after the fact. I receive mine in dreams, and whenever I have ones that are so strong and vivid, I spend days trying to figure it all out. I never really get the full message until after everything unfolds. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out one I had a couple of months ago! But, I've learned that you have to be wary of the small things.
Ex: the omen about the person on the phone....maybe you're getting an insight to the frustration you're causing someone, and the fact that Imani was over the phone could suggest something. There's a lost of sight for Imani, so maybe you don't see yourself doing anything. Then, you only hear one side of the conversation, so maybe you're not being heard or someone is constatly trying to talk over you.....
An omen such as the first does sound interesting....maybe it's hinting towards whateer it is your second one is telling you. It's kind of weird how those things work out, ya know. You never really know what they're trying to tell you until after the fact. I receive mine in dreams, and whenever I have ones that are so strong and vivid, I spend days trying to figure it all out. I never really get the full message until after everything unfolds. Hell, I'm still trying to figure out one I had a couple of months ago! But, I've learned that you have to be wary of the small things.
Ex: the omen about the person on the phone....maybe you're getting an insight to the frustration you're causing someone, and the fact that Imani was over the phone could suggest something. There's a lost of sight for Imani, so maybe you don't see yourself doing anything. Then, you only hear one side of the conversation, so maybe you're not being heard or someone is constatly trying to talk over you.....
hips dont lie. neither do eyes. nor lips.
I should have listened when you looked me in my eyes and said i was gonna be ok. i believed you. I still do.
i know you read this.
i know you.
i know you read this.
i know you.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Just Make Love To Me
Just one more time and then you'll see
oh I cant believe I made a desperate plea
Whats wrong with me?
me?
ooooohhhhh
So New Amerykah. Is. The Shit. Like Forreal
I am developing a whole new appreciation and Love for miss E. Badu. her voice is so unique and.... whole. within its self. yeah. I'll see if I can get some playing over there.
So this weekend....
yeah....
Continuing on my metaphysical track....
Clearly I wanted this to happen. The Good, The Bad, and the hurtful
and its becoming clearer and clearer to me what this ultimate goal I am seeking is. I just dont understand why my universe chooses to manifest its desires in the most... extravagant of ways. But maybe it was the only way to get my attention, bc well I ignore my omens.
Speaking of Omens, I had 2 omens today. Im wondering what my third one was/is. The night is still young so it Still may be seen.
Omen 1: Imani in NY
So as I got on the bus to go back to ny with a bruise on my ass from dancing so fucking hard with a person with a sharps ass pelvis bone, and a mind still fresh from the turmoil of the night I hear a dc dom SCREAMING her ass off as she got on the bus. "You talk too much fucking shit. Thats all you do slim. You aint gonna b talking that shit when I fucking get up there." A conversation much like this one takes place at a very uncomfortable volume right beside me for about 2 hours into the trip. And apparently the girl she was talking to was named Imani. And lived in NY. and she was gonna make sure that wen she got all the way to ny she was gonna beat her ass. But the omen for me were the things she said. Things I've heard so many times before. "Oh but Imani thinks shes so fucking perfect" "Fuck you Imani" "I swear to God Imani" "You talk all that shit while your in NY" "I dont wanna talk to you Imani" "Im hanging up Imani" among so many other things. It was eerie and struck a chord in me.
Omen 2: Fucking Tarot Card
Literally years ago I wrote a FB Note about my tarot cards. And everytime i enter act with a certain someone one card in particular ALWAYS and i mean ALFUCKINGWAYS comes up. and I guess it does bc I ignore what it was trying to tell me. Like a few months ago i dropped all my cards out of my purse and the only and first card up was this card. then today (the first time i really read myself since then) wen i take the deck out of the box. out of the fucking box. there is that card right there on the top. now mind you my friend destiny uses my cards all the time so its shuffled often. The card is of course the Change card (most commonly death in traditional decks). I dont have my deck in front of me but bc uve gotten it so much i pretty much know what it says. the card reads :
There are situations from the past that you are being urged to gently let go of. That does not mean you need to be cold or cruel, it just is simply best to release them. "something something something" most difficult decision "yada yada" yet dead wood must be cut from a tree in order for it to grow. once this is done you will be able to have new relationships, new love, and a new life.
Fucking wild rite? I know I need to heed these omens. After reading the alchemist i realized why and how the way things work. and the soul of the world is trying to tell me to let it go. As a matter of fact, I make this other song "I remember" by DEADMAU5 and Kaskade the song on the side. the words to that song have really really gotten me through these times. it says
Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the love that you know
You Dont have to move on to let go
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall alseep
Hold to the time that you know
you dont have to give up to let go
Remember turning on the night
and moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember. Do you?
oh I cant believe I made a desperate plea
Whats wrong with me?
me?
ooooohhhhh
So New Amerykah. Is. The Shit. Like Forreal
I am developing a whole new appreciation and Love for miss E. Badu. her voice is so unique and.... whole. within its self. yeah. I'll see if I can get some playing over there.
So this weekend....
yeah....
Continuing on my metaphysical track....
Clearly I wanted this to happen. The Good, The Bad, and the hurtful
and its becoming clearer and clearer to me what this ultimate goal I am seeking is. I just dont understand why my universe chooses to manifest its desires in the most... extravagant of ways. But maybe it was the only way to get my attention, bc well I ignore my omens.
Speaking of Omens, I had 2 omens today. Im wondering what my third one was/is. The night is still young so it Still may be seen.
Omen 1: Imani in NY
So as I got on the bus to go back to ny with a bruise on my ass from dancing so fucking hard with a person with a sharps ass pelvis bone, and a mind still fresh from the turmoil of the night I hear a dc dom SCREAMING her ass off as she got on the bus. "You talk too much fucking shit. Thats all you do slim. You aint gonna b talking that shit when I fucking get up there." A conversation much like this one takes place at a very uncomfortable volume right beside me for about 2 hours into the trip. And apparently the girl she was talking to was named Imani. And lived in NY. and she was gonna make sure that wen she got all the way to ny she was gonna beat her ass. But the omen for me were the things she said. Things I've heard so many times before. "Oh but Imani thinks shes so fucking perfect" "Fuck you Imani" "I swear to God Imani" "You talk all that shit while your in NY" "I dont wanna talk to you Imani" "Im hanging up Imani" among so many other things. It was eerie and struck a chord in me.
Omen 2: Fucking Tarot Card
Literally years ago I wrote a FB Note about my tarot cards. And everytime i enter act with a certain someone one card in particular ALWAYS and i mean ALFUCKINGWAYS comes up. and I guess it does bc I ignore what it was trying to tell me. Like a few months ago i dropped all my cards out of my purse and the only and first card up was this card. then today (the first time i really read myself since then) wen i take the deck out of the box. out of the fucking box. there is that card right there on the top. now mind you my friend destiny uses my cards all the time so its shuffled often. The card is of course the Change card (most commonly death in traditional decks). I dont have my deck in front of me but bc uve gotten it so much i pretty much know what it says. the card reads :
There are situations from the past that you are being urged to gently let go of. That does not mean you need to be cold or cruel, it just is simply best to release them. "something something something" most difficult decision "yada yada" yet dead wood must be cut from a tree in order for it to grow. once this is done you will be able to have new relationships, new love, and a new life.
Fucking wild rite? I know I need to heed these omens. After reading the alchemist i realized why and how the way things work. and the soul of the world is trying to tell me to let it go. As a matter of fact, I make this other song "I remember" by DEADMAU5 and Kaskade the song on the side. the words to that song have really really gotten me through these times. it says
Feeling the past moving in
Letting a new day begin
Hold to the love that you know
You Dont have to move on to let go
Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall alseep
Hold to the time that you know
you dont have to give up to let go
Remember turning on the night
and moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through
I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember. Do you?
Friday, December 11, 2009
On the low though....
So has anyone else noticed the fusion of imeem and myspace? myspace has absorbed imeem, but there is no imeem information on it. its.... weird almost. Like myspace hacked onto imeem and directed all of their pages to myspace, which i guess they did. but they didnt even announce this merge! what other big merges will there be? I think that eventually there will just be 2 big sites that have absorbed all the other consumer/social networking sites and they will make us pay for it. and we all those things so what will we do? But i have faith in our generation or the one after us. They will realize that they're paying to communicate with each other and say 'fuck this shit'. Then the internet will be for the elite and the normal person will go back to normal and healthy human contact. Well I hope so.
See what they do on the low??
Things to check out:
GTronicRadio --under the iTunes radios. Now 3 hours later i havent heard any of the same songs and its been constant black starr, camp lo, EPMD, like crazy. please. nonstop.
1741 Conspiracy of new york-- Long Story short; Slaves and indentured Irish get together to kill their master and split up ny, a snitch snitches, the slaves take the rap, salem witch trial like shit takes place.
http://www.lucasmcgowen.com
he's got some crazy shit going on. his videos are the shit. ill post them along with my evaluation and my experience watching them another day.
See what they do on the low??
Things to check out:
GTronicRadio --under the iTunes radios. Now 3 hours later i havent heard any of the same songs and its been constant black starr, camp lo, EPMD, like crazy. please. nonstop.
1741 Conspiracy of new york-- Long Story short; Slaves and indentured Irish get together to kill their master and split up ny, a snitch snitches, the slaves take the rap, salem witch trial like shit takes place.
http://www.lucasmcgowen.com
he's got some crazy shit going on. his videos are the shit. ill post them along with my evaluation and my experience watching them another day.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
just blabbing just for today
hmmm
im not quite sure what i want to blog about yet
but i'll think of something.
We'll lets just discuss my day
~I slept luxuriously at shon and shauns last nite
i can get comfortable in that bed. I always dream so hard.
~I had a very good meeting with my video teacher.
shes awesome. and very cute ;) lol
~Lunch with shaun was awesome
(i realized im spending alot of time with her and i love it!)
~Paid Dannie back
i like her smile
~Got a hug chunk of my painting done
yay for not procrastinating
~Making very steady progress toward my video
~pretty much got a job with the Federal Park Service
hell chea. that s means new nose ring and actually wearing my hair out
yikes lol.
I realized the other day that my creation dream woman hasnt found me yet because I'm not done creating her. And although i want her to be perfect, I'm having to learn the virtue of patience during this time. Maybe everyone I'll meet until then will be bits and pieces of her until shes assembled.
I need to read my tarot cards. theres some guidance im looking for. and i also need to talk to God. I miss him and all his awesomeness. Like forreal. God and I have a very... personal relationship, as should everyone bc God created you and you create him. Your God is whoever you go to for comfort and peace in your head. Everyone asks something higher than them to intercede. Hoping that something greater than us can control and change the things that we feel that we cant. And because we believe these things change. because WE believe we can. And on my metaphysical tip, because we acknowledge and understand that there is something higher than our understanding (maybe the 11th dimension, or the cause of the first basic attraction, God, Nirvana; ect) we have the ability to tap into the things greater than us. hmmmmm things to ponder. I'll elaborate on several of these things later. Im gonna go to sleep
oh btw
I'm gonna cut back on this greenery...
im not quite sure what i want to blog about yet
but i'll think of something.
We'll lets just discuss my day
~I slept luxuriously at shon and shauns last nite
i can get comfortable in that bed. I always dream so hard.
~I had a very good meeting with my video teacher.
shes awesome. and very cute ;) lol
~Lunch with shaun was awesome
(i realized im spending alot of time with her and i love it!)
~Paid Dannie back
i like her smile
~Got a hug chunk of my painting done
yay for not procrastinating
~Making very steady progress toward my video
~pretty much got a job with the Federal Park Service
hell chea. that s means new nose ring and actually wearing my hair out
yikes lol.
I realized the other day that my creation dream woman hasnt found me yet because I'm not done creating her. And although i want her to be perfect, I'm having to learn the virtue of patience during this time. Maybe everyone I'll meet until then will be bits and pieces of her until shes assembled.
I need to read my tarot cards. theres some guidance im looking for. and i also need to talk to God. I miss him and all his awesomeness. Like forreal. God and I have a very... personal relationship, as should everyone bc God created you and you create him. Your God is whoever you go to for comfort and peace in your head. Everyone asks something higher than them to intercede. Hoping that something greater than us can control and change the things that we feel that we cant. And because we believe these things change. because WE believe we can. And on my metaphysical tip, because we acknowledge and understand that there is something higher than our understanding (maybe the 11th dimension, or the cause of the first basic attraction, God, Nirvana; ect) we have the ability to tap into the things greater than us. hmmmmm things to ponder. I'll elaborate on several of these things later. Im gonna go to sleep
oh btw
I'm gonna cut back on this greenery...
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Flashbacks. Memories. Memories.
so today i was sitting on the floor in my room and all of a sudden i had a flashback. or a memory, or something in between. im not sure. but in this vision i saw me grabbing the wheel of the car i was in when i was 15. i saw myself causing the accident that changed the lives of every single person around me. It may not have been a real memory tho. see what most people dont know is that my long term memory has really been messed up since my car accident. I have no gage of space and time. I cant just feel what day it is. I dont know if things happened 2 months ago or 3 weeks aho, and I dont know if my thoughts are memories or creations. this is something that has plagued me for years but i have said nothing about. But now, at this very moment im wondering if i actually didnt cause our car crash, then why is my mind creating this image? And if it created this, what else has my mind created? how much of what I remember is real?
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
My whole body.. quivering.. ok?
so wow. two words. Bootsy Collins.
I just watched this video of him and i had no idea what he was doing in music until now. i cant even begin to explain how amazed i am. he literally fucked me with this video.
talk about a divine dialogue...
my god.
my whole body
is quivering.
an analysis on bootsy tmrw. jst watch and enjoy.
I just watched this video of him and i had no idea what he was doing in music until now. i cant even begin to explain how amazed i am. he literally fucked me with this video.
talk about a divine dialogue...
my god.
my whole body
is quivering.
an analysis on bootsy tmrw. jst watch and enjoy.
and now I'm Upset
with myself.
I knew that moment was coming
and everything i planned for it, all the things i wanted to say
just
went
poof.
i should have..
i
i should have..
yeah maybe i should have said less
or more
or differently
but....
it be like that sometimes.
I knew that moment was coming
and everything i planned for it, all the things i wanted to say
just
went
poof.
i should have..
i
i should have..
yeah maybe i should have said less
or more
or differently
but....
it be like that sometimes.
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